In the era of wedding personalization, so goes the way of the wedding party. Gone are the days when a lineup of groomsmen and bridesmaids matched evenly on both sides. Also gone are the days when men only stood on one side and women on the other. Women are now ok to don suits or pants, and while not everyone has fully embraced men in dresses, it's a lot more possible than it was decades ago! Engaged couples today are throwing out the rulebook and crafting wedding parties as unique as themselves, their family and their friends - so let's get into how you can change up your wedding party to reflect all of the uniqueness!
What all of these changes to a wedding party boil down to: it's a reflection of the unique dynamics that exist within the marrying couple's social circles. It celebrates the REAL relationships that have shaped their lives, rather than conforming to a generic mold and outdated traditions. And while some people may express initial concern about how these different lineups will affect photos, the processional or the recessional, more people are realizing that it's about the PEOPLE that stand by the couple that truly count, not the numbers or genders or attire or how they walk.
Now, I gotta start out by saying that your wedding party is your personal choice. It's an exclusive, VIP section of your life, but it doesn't mean that others aren't important! Those who are chosen to be part of a wedding party should be included based on the relationship, on the level of caring for the marrying couple, and not on a need to balance sides or make things look like a magazine photoshoot. As always, if that's the look you want to go for, then please do so! It's YOUR wedding. You decide. People may put pressure on you to match numbers, or match attire, or not break tradition, but by choosing a wedding party that truly reflects your personal connections, you keep your wedding authentic to who you both are and who you value.
Other Opinions
If you find yourselves battling each other, or other people about your wedding party, the conversation should start with you and your partner. What does your relationship history look like? Who are your friends now? How can your individual journeys - those relationships you've made outside of each other - be honored in your big day? How can you explain to others how the people you've chosen represent parts of your life before you became a couple? These special people and relationships helped you become who you are now. And, at the end of the day, it's your wedding and it's about the two of you getting married and joining your lives together.
A Little Less Drama...Maybe?
Now, we all know that wedding planning is extremely stressful, and it's no secret that relationships within the wedding party can add a HUGE layer of complexity. There are hundreds of horror stories out there about relationships breaking up over who is IN the wedding party, and the expectations of the wedding party that aren't met. Sometimes, an uneven bridal party, with different genders, or even only one person on each side as a witness, can offer an emotional tranquil ground.
Changing your wedding party can also alleviate any sense of obligation that can come with a large, even wedding party. When you feel obligated to include this person or that person to make things even, or please your family, it can create more problems than tranquility. Eliminating some of the pressure of a wedding party can lead to a more relaxed, harmonious atmosphere on the big day, translating into more genuine smiles and fewer forced moments. It leaves you enjoying your wedding day, rather than dealing with wedding drama.
Looking Good
If you're worried about photography, and your lasting memories, this is a conversation to have with your photographer. A good photographer will make your photos look amazing, no matter who is in your wedding party, whether it's even in numbers, or not. All of the variety in your wedding party can lead to some truly stunning, fun, funny and emotional photographs. It also allows for the individuality of the individuals in the photos to shine, along with the groom or bride, leading to images that reflect the intricate web of relationships and stories.
Walking Down the Aisle
Talking to your wedding planner or coordinator is the best way to work out how your wedding party is going to walk down the aisle before you, and then after you. Rather than focusing on making the numbers work, it's about creating a sequence that celebrates the unique contribution of each person! You can easily have two attendants walk together - maybe two gals or two gents who are close friends walk beside each other. If you have outgoing, funny members of your wedding party, why not plan something that highlights their humor, like a flower guy? Have a flower girl or ring bearer walk down the aisle with a parent who is already in the wedding party. One member of your wedding party can walk down the aisle unaccompanied! If you're including your dog, someone can easily walk that furry family member to join the wedding party and wait for the bride. The possibilities are endless, and it gives those important VIP people a way to celebrate your union in their own special way.
Lastly, I want to mention that creating changes to your wedding party from the beginning can serve as a microcosm for other changes and less tradition on your big day. It reflects the push and pull between adhering to tradition and forging an authentic path for what will be the start of your marriage. The ultimate choice is YOURS, and it's a personal one that should be made with the understanding that traditions can be respected or rewritten to suit your narrative.
The support and understanding of your wedding party, family and friends are crucial in ensuring that the wedding reflects the couple at its center. After all, it's the unity of two people that lies at the heart of any wedding ceremony!
I can help you create a wedding party that reflects you and your future spouse's lives together, through my wedding coordinating services throughout the state of Oregon. Just scroll up to the top and click the Contact Me button, or click here to learn about my wedding services.